


Collars n' Crimes

by KatlnnRotato



Category: Funouhan (Manga)
Genre: Blackmail, Cats, Collars, M/M, Minor Violence, Paranoia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-20 05:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20222386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatlnnRotato/pseuds/KatlnnRotato
Summary: In a drunken stupor, Detective Tada meets Usobuki at the park and the other takes him back home with strange intentions.





	Collars n' Crimes

Tada stumbled drunkenly from the bar, not exactly sure where he was going. His coworkers had forced him out of the office to go drinking with them, saying that he had been real stiff lately and needed to let loose. Tada wasn't exactly against it and took any drink given to him, downing it quickly with the hope of getting that damned Usobuki off his mind for a couple hours.

He felt something hard against his leg and decided to sit down on it, only then vaguely realizing he was in the park."Ah, why do I have to be here?" He leaned back, noticing a figure on his left."Old man, hear me out," he mumbled.

The man chuckled and...meowed? A man-cat? Was it a man-cat? He had never seen one before."Meow..." he mumbled back and suddenly his head felt very comfortable."Ah...so nice..."

"Are my legs really that comfortable, Detective Tada?" Usobuki asked, amused by the scene before him. To say he was surprised by the detective suddenly coming and sitting next to him, even going as far to lay on his lap, would be an understatement.

It was intriguing, in a way, to see the man so open. The usual guard he kept up when around him was completely gone and he was acting like, dare he say, a cat.

Usobuki brought his hand up, stroking the detectives hair with a small smile on his lips. The detective started a soft purring, the sound shooting right into Usobuki."I cant tell if you're naive or just an idiot."

The detectives response was just a small grumble, rolling over and mushing his face against Usobuki's belly. God, this was so much better than his usual yapping and naturally loud and exciting nature. Usobuki wished he could just stay like this, but no. It was getting cold, and the detective needed to go home.

And maybe, just maybe, he would have a partner in bed with him.

===

Tada opened his eyes slowly, wincing at the headache he got the moment he gained consciousness. Oh, thats right, he went drinking last night. And then...

He suddenly jumped out of his bed, falling onto the floor and backing away as far as he could. On his bed, clad in his regular black suit, staring at him..."U-U-Usobuki?!"

The man just smiled back at him, head resting on his hand as he still lounged in his bed.

"W-What are you doing here?!" Tada asked, quickly getting up and pointing an accusing finger his way. No way was this was true. Usobuki...in his home? How did he know where he lived? How did he get inside? He was definitely stalking him or something.

Usobuki ignored him, getting off the bed and making his way to the door of his bedroom."You should probably get dressed or take a shower. You were clinging onto me so much last night that I couldn't change your clothes."

Tada blushed bright red, looking down at his wrinkled suit."What do you mean clinging onto you?!" Usobuki opened the door."Wait-! Hold on, Usobuki!" The door was then shut on his face, and Tada sighed, begrudgingly deciding to heed Usobuki's words and take a shower.

===

Tada was expecting Usobuki to have left but no, never again should he put any faith in that man.

Here he was, sipping tea at his kitchen table and looking like he completely owned the place. Tada could barely even get a word out of his mouth as his already raging headache increased."Why are you still here? I thought you had left, Usobuki."

"I never said I was leaving. I wanted some compensation for my troubles so I made myself tea," he said back, setting down his cup with a content sigh.

"Well, you got some, so leave!" Tada demanded, wanting to move Usobuki himself but also not willing enough to take the risk. Who knows what that killer could do?

"Thats no way to treat a guest, Detective Tada." Usobuki hummed, getting up anyways. He came up to Tada, getting unnervingly close, and put his lips next to Tada's ear."How uncivilized," he breathed.

Tada quickly pushed away, grasping his ear as he still felt Usobuki's hot breath against it.

The man went up to Tada's door, putting his shoes on in such a humanly fashion it made Tada freeze for a moment. So he did know proper etiquette, even though he was always sitting outside on that bench like a homeless person.

Usobuki then turned to him, startling Tada."I hope you don't need to buy anything today, Detective Tada," he said with a smile, exiting through the front door.

Tada stood their for a few seconds, unsure for what Usobuki meant. It then occurred to him and he rushed to the door, slamming it open with fervor and looking around for Usobuki who was nowhere in sight.

"Damnit, Usobuki!"

He had his fucking wallet.

===

Usobuki was honestly surprised when Detective Tada didn't show up to take his wallet back the day it was stolen. He knew that the detective was probably in a hurry that morning, waking up late and all, but assumed he would at least take the time to meet him that night. He even waited on his usual bench in the park just for him.

Usobuki started to question if the detective even knew his wallet was missing—he could be pretty absent minded at times—but when he showed up the next morning that theory quickly went down the drain.

He had come, just as Usobuki wanted, and now the fun would begin.

"Usobuki!" Detective Tada all but shouted, stomping over to him with a glare."Give me my wallet back! I know you stole it!"

"Ah, Detective Tada," Usobuki smiled, leaning forward on the bench."What brings you here this early in the morning?" Okay, so he wasn't getting to business right away but a little teasing couldn't hurt.

"Goddamnit, Usobuki, I just said it! Give me my wallet back!" Steam practically came out of his head as he glared down at him.

"Don't be so hasty, detective, you could get yourself killed."

Tada let out a breath, trying to compose himself."Please, I need my wallet or I'll be late to work," he said in the calmest voice he would muster.

"Alright, I'll give in," Usobuki sighed, getting off the bench and walking over to the detective. He stood unnervingly close."But not yet."

"Stop playing around, Usobuki!" Tada shouted, feeling like a fool for trusting him in getting back his wallet.

Usobuki smiled."It was just a joke, detective." He ran his hands along Tada's chest, reaching up to hook on his shoulders."No need to act to tense," he breathed, causing Tada to let out an involuntary shiver.

"What are you trying to do, Usobuki?" Tada questioned, attempting to get Usobuki off him but with every hand pushed off, another would take its place somewhere new on his body. It was unnerving how easily Usobuki could touch him and how easily Tada was accepting it.

"You know what I love the most, Detective Tada?" Usobuki asked, gaining all of Tada's attention."Human emotions. Preferably the raw, untamed ones you see under a persons many faces and falsities. And right now I want to see it, detective, I want to see you."

Tada heard a click and suddenly felt something very heavy on his neck. He looked down, feeling around to find that it was a collar, made with some type of odd material - though not uncomfortable - with two metal pieces sticking out at the front and a simple lock connecting them. Tada couldn't open it, no matter how hard he tried.

"What the fuck is this? Get it off me!" Tada shouted, still struggling with the collar."And give me back my wallet to!"

"Lets cut a deal, detective," Usobuki whispered, taking the detectives wallet out of his pocket and instantly drawing his attention."If you can wear that collar all day, I'll give you back your wallet."

Tada wasn't truely conflicted, he would get his wallet back no matter the cost. It was something important him and held a lot of things he needed. His only problem was the collar."How to you expect me to wear this all day? Someone will see me!" He said, already grabbing onto it self consciously.

"Well if you go like this..." Usobuki grabbed onto his shirt, buttoning it all the way and then reaching for his tie and tightening it so the collar was fit snuggly underneath."No one will see, as long as you're careful." He pat Tada's chest once, moving back to inspect his work."Yup, perfect."

"Are you sure no one will see?" The detective asked, pulling at the collar of his shirt in discomfort.

"I guess we'll just have to find out, right, Detective Tada?" Usobuki smiled.

Tada adjusted his collar back the way it was, even though it felt a bit tight."Wait, I still haven't-!" And when he looked up Usobuki was gone.

The only thing he could do was curse silently to himself.

===

A day at work had never felt so long. With the collar around his neck, Tada felt like he was harboring some sort of secret and he sucked at keeping secrets. His paranoia was through the roof and with even the smallest movement he would double check to make sure the collar could not be seen. Not to mention as soon as he got comfortable in the office he suddenly had to go out into the field.

He had never wanted so much to just sit at the station all day doing paper work. If even one person stared at him, he assumed his cover was blown and had to check the collar. He wished it was winter and he could simply wear a scarf but in the middle of summer he would seem even more out of place.

Thankfully no one at the station commented on his odd behavior—because he knew he was a terrible actor—so Tada had one less thing to worry about. He was sure Usobuki was lurking somewhere laughing at his misery with the usual devilish smirk on his face. Tada would surely have him answer for his crimes.

"Tada-senpai, look!" Momose called, suddenly grabbing him on the shoulder and turning him around.

Tada jumped at the contact and quickly pushed her off him. Way too close! Her hand was way too close! He would be found out!

"Tada-senpai?" she questioned, stepping closer to him with concern in her eyes."Are you okay?" She wanted to question why he was acting so weird today but decided to leave it at that.

Tada checked the collar of his shirt and made sure his tie was tight enough."I'm fine," he breathed, heart pounding out of control."What did you want to show me?"

He really was a bad liar. Like this, he could barely even focus on his job let alone even walk right. It was like the whole world was staring at him and scrutinizing what he was doing. That damn Usobuki.

He really should've killed him when he had the chance.

===

Work got out late as usual and Tada bolted the minute he could leave. Some of the officers at the station proposed going out for dinner and drinks and Tada had never refused an invite so fast. If he went, he might really lose it and who knows when he would see Usobuki again? Would he even agree to give back his wallet?

So no, sadly, Tada didn't go out for drinks and quickly rode his bike over to the park Usobuki frequented. He locked his bike up and walked inside to search for Usobuki's favorite bench hoping he wasn't too late, or too early.

But Tada let out an internal sigh of relief as he noticed Usobuki sitting at his usual bench, gently petting at cat that rested in his lap. As Tada walked up to him, he perked up with a smile on his face."Detective Tada, on time as usual."

"Usobuki..." Tada really didn't want to start up with his weird games again."I wore it all day like you asked." He tugged on his tie and showed off the collar."So make good on your promise and give me my wallet back."

Usobuki smiled, gently moving the cat off his lap and getting up to walk over to Tada. He took a couple steps back, unsure of what he would do, but found that Usobuki was only inspecting his collar.

"I see you did do as I asked." Usobuki then backed away."Good job. Here's your wallet back." He tossed it at Tada and the detective stumbled to catch it.

"You didn't take anything out, did you?" Tada questioned, looking throughly through his wallet to make sure nothing was missing.

"Please trust me a bit more, detective." Usobuki smiled.

Tada ignored him and continued to look around, finding nothing amiss. With wary eyes, he looked back up at Usobuki."Everything seems so be in here, so I'll let you off for today. But don't think it will be so easy next time! Doing this kind of thing is unjust!"

"Yes, yes," Usobuki chuckled."Well, if that would be all I'll be on my way, Detective Tada."

Tada huffed back at him and then paused, realizing the most crucial thing that got him in the mess in the first place."Wait, the collar!" Tada yelled, pausing Usobuki on his path out."Take off the collar right now!"

Usobuki gave him a long, pondering look."I never said I would take the collar off, just that I would give you your wallet back."

Tada was dumbfounded, ready to spew back a few choice words when he recalled their conversation. It was true, he never said anything about the collar. Tada had just assumed he would take it off. He really was an idiot, now what would he do? Did he have to keep this thing on the rest of his life?

"You're such an idiot, Detective Tada, not even realizing such a simple thing," Usobuki chuckled like he was having fun watching Tada lose his mind."Pay a bit more attention when people are talking to you next time."

"Shut up!"

Tada was furious. It traveled equally to himself and Usobuki and he just wanted this damn collar off his neck. Was that too much to ask?

"I'll tell you what, detective." Tada perked up at his words."If you can keep that collar on until the weekend without anyone seeing it, I'll take it off for you. If not, I get to choose when it gets taken off."

The weekend...that was three days from now. The stress of today was already enough to shave years off his life and now he had to continue for three days? But, if he didn't agree to this deal, then he might not ever be able to take the collar off. He couldn't live like that.

Tada sighed resolutely."Fine. Just until the weekend, right?"

Usobuki nodded."Yes."

"Then I'll do it." Tada clenched his fists, hating how he just agreed to play one of Usobuki's games."By Friday night, I want this collar off my neck! That's the deal!"

"Perfect." Usobuki smiled."I'll see you then, Detective Tada."

Tada didn't know what knew trick Usobuki had up his sleeve this time, but he would not be swayed. He would win this game. He was sure of it.

===

Tada was just as paranoid the first day as he was the second, still not used to the suffocating thing around his neck. By late Thursday, it seemed Momose had noticed his odd behavior along with a couple other people at the station but no one commented yet.

For once, Tada was grateful at how different others were from him. If he had seen someone he knew acting so suspicious and paranoid, he would've jumped to figure out what was wrong with them. Tada was sure at some point someone would talk to him and hoped it would be after the collar was off so that he could act relatively normal again.

When Friday came around and still no one acted, Tada thought that it might just be his lucky day. But he had to go out in the field for a stake out which meant his paranoia was heightened. It was only him and Momose in the car, following some guy who is said to be linked to a string of kidnappings that recently started in the area.

They had to stop the car as they followed him to a abandoned lot, parking along the roadside out of view. The man had gone further up and Tada could only wonder what he was doing in such a place so late at night. Tada got out of the car and Momose made to do the same but he stopped her.

"You call the station," he said."I will follow him on foot and radio to you. We don't want to lose him now but it would be too dangerous to go in together."

"Are you sure?" Momose asked."I'm not really sure I should..."

"It's fine," Tada smiled at her."I'll let you know if I need help."

"Okay..." she nodded warily and he quickly scurried off to catch up to the suspect.

There was an abandoned building in the back of the lot which looked more like a small storage shack. Tada decided to take a look inside, pulling out his gun just in case he stumbled into something he wasn't supposed to see.

Slowly opening the door, Tada found nothing suspicious on a first glance, just a bunch of shelves filled with boxes. He looked side to side before deciding to enter cautiously. His steps were soft and he searched for a light to give him a bit more to see.

Turning to the right, Tada's eyes widened as he saw not a light switch but a man towering over him with a wrench in hand and murder in his eyes. Tada's body worked on autopilot, holding up his gun and using it to block the blow before the wrench crashed down onto his head.

The force the man put into the swing caused him to stumble, shaky grip on his gun not enough as his body caved in and fell over, gun slipping out of his hand at the sheer force. He attempted to scramble away and the wrench was lifted again, another swing just aiming to hit him that he narrowly rolled away from.

He tried to get up in time but he was too late, wrench swinging towards him and hitting the side of his arm. It was incredibly painful and Tada was flung back down by the stronger man. It was no good. Looked like he would be overpowered.

"What's a one man army trying to do coming in here and obstructing my daily life?!" The assailant yelled, getting on top of Tada and pinning him down so that he couldn't move. A hand came up and fisted his collar roughly."You damn police are always..."

The suspect stopped, looking away from his face and down at his collar. Tada's eyes widened at he knew what he would be looking at. A hot wave of terror ran through him.

"What's this?" The assailant ripped the collar of his shirt open, tie and all, to reveal the sleek collar underneath that Tada had tried so hard to hide."Why such a thing..."

He was utterly mortified, squirming even harder in the mans grip.

The man looked disgusted."You're a pervert, right? God, why would anyone let such a person become a policeman..."

"Shut up!" Tada shouted back.

The man snapped and punched him in the face, Tada's head falling to the side as he began breathing heavy. The mixture of the whole situation was making his mind go crazy. He didn't know what to do but knew he needed to get away. This man would kill him.

The assailants smiled sharpened."It's okay! I'm a pervert too!"

The man brought up the wrench again and Tada tried his hardest to push him away. Really, all his muscle went into his legs from all the biking he did. He wasn't fit for such a situation and just charged in like an idiot. What would Detective Yame say to him now?

Suddenly arms wrapped around the assailant, making both their eyes widen in question. The assailant looked back and saw deep, hypnotizing eyes. His whole body instantly tensed and a wet cloth was put over his nose and mouth.

"Have a nice rest," the man spoke, voice velvety smooth as the man accidentally inhaled the liquid in the cloth, instantly passing out because of whatever drug he laced it with.

Usobuki, with his usual suave nature, gently pushed the man aside and focused his attention on Tada."I'm not a knight in shining armor, but I seem to play that role a lot with you, Detective Tada."

The other just stared at him, not sure of what to say when he was looking at him with those eyes, oh so close and oh so real.

"What..." he tried to look away."What did you do to him?"

Usobuki smiled, waving the cloth in front of the detective."It was only water. I don't own such drugs."

Tada stared at him with hard eyes, knowing that if he also sniffed the cloth surely it would be nothing but water."I don't understand you. Why are you doing all this?!"

Usobuki lowered himself, sitting on top of Tada as the other man sat up. He reached a hand over and caressed the others already swollen cheek and Tada flinched at the contact."What are you—"

Usobuki cut him off with a kiss, bringing both hands up to hold the others face and deepen the contact. Tada was completely shellshocked as the other continued without a care. His mind was doing cartwheels and a small part of his soul decided to fizzle out of his body.

The contact was broken slowly, Usobuki staring deep into Tada's eyes with an air of seduction and lust he had never felt before. It was all too much and Tada quickly pushed himself away, hand going up to his mouth which was still tingling out of control.

"W-W-What was that?!" he yelled at the other, face bright red as he was completely flustered.

Usobuki stared at him, slowly standing up and kissing the collar which he used to have around his neck."You're so defenseless, Detective Tada."

Tada put a hand around his neck, realizing that Usobuki really had taken off the collar."W-When did you...?!"

"I wouldn't want you strolling out with this in full display." Usobuki gave him a small smile, moving to leave."Don't worry, I'll treat you well."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Tada shouted back at he left the building."Hey, wait!"

He ran to the door, looking around for any sign of Usobuki but finding none. Instead, Momose and a few other officers came running towards them with questions on their lips. Tada could barely listen to them, mind still wrapped around his meeting with Usobuki.

He had been stranger then usual, and that kiss...Just thinking about it made him blush and he tried to keep a cool head. Usobuki was his enemy. His enemy.

From the shadows, Usobuki watched as Tada spoke to his fellow officers and gave them the details of what happened. Occasionally, his hand went up to his neck or lips and Usobuki couldn't help but notice the small detail.

Something brushed against his leg and he looked down, finding a small cat purring and rubbing against him. It meowed up at him and Usobuki mindlessly looked over at the collar in his hand, moving it around in his grip.

"I wonder if I can keep you..." The cat only meowed back and Usobuki knew better than to dwell on such thoughts.

He walked away into the night but still couldn't seemed to discard the collar.

"How foolish...these human are."

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn’t find Tada's full name which makes me sad. Perhaps his first (last?) name is actually just Detective.
> 
> Update: We. Have. A. Full. Name!


End file.
